Jim was smart, he had looks, charm, & a great personality, he had it all, makes me wonder why he took the road he took. I told myself he`s a grown man with a good head on his shoulders he`ll make the right decisions. How do you stop a grown man from doing anything? He always told me "relax mom you worry to much, it`s not that bad" I fussed at him a few times about what he was doing, until finally I asked him to leave, he never did, he died at home. I didn`t get one of those 1 am phone calls, but I did find him, I don`t know which is worse. Just like in NA or AA they tell you "one day at a time" just one, I can hear My Jim telling me "go on you can do it I`ll always be in your heart, & we`ll always have our memories, I don`t want memories I want him. I have to belive someday I`ll remember his smell his laughter, that twinkle in his eyes & those wonderful words I heard everyday, "I Love You Mom" They say when a person does drugs their attitude & personality changes, they aren`t the same person, I didn`t see that in Jim, I`m not saying there weren`t changes, he didn`t change toward me, before or during his addiction, he was always around, always helpful, he`d get ready to leave the house & ask if I needed him to do anything before he left & if I needed to get ahold of him to page him, & when he came home he`d ask the same thing & tell me he`d be out back if I needed him. His best friend told me right after Jim died that there wasn`t an hour in any given day he didn`t talk about how he could make my life better. I wished I could have made his life better.